I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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