the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
