Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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