you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
