We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
