Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
