dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
