if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
