Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
