I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
