I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
