Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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