Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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