somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
