It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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