I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
