its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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