everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
