Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
