I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
