went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
