i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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