I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
