I love black thongs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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