did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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