If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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