if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
