Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
