Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
