dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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