i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
