flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
