the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
