guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
