A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Be still, my beating vagina.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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