This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
