hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
