I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
