I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
