Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
