I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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