turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
