I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
