yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
