apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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