I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
