I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
