watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
