Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
