Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
