if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
