So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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