Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
