My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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