Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
