My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
