Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
