Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
