I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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