would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
